When we, my cousin and I, were young, our mom and dad sent us out to play in our neighborhood and would never come home until dinnertime, that too after several calls of our Parents. The same was true about our other friends also. However, the Times have changed now; we all feel that we have to keep a constant tab on our children, every parent has a wish to have that kind of childhood what we had, but what can we do? We need to make sure that they are safe and Healthy. Where this can become problematic at times, when Parents attempt to remove the obstacles in the path of their children, in order to ensure that their Kids may not experience any trouble, pain, disappointment or discomfort. That way the Parents become a type of Helicopter Parent, that is to give a lot and too much of care and attention. This proves counterproductive, as we become more and more constant Vigilant as we start imagining & projecting things against their choice that we should not. If our kids are unhappy, we might overreact and try to make them happy, if they are uncertain, we make mistakes by way of showering them praise and false assurances.
This is true that none of the parents want to Screw up their kids, but the absolute surest way to do just that is to constantly worry about screwing them up! That is the frustrating irony. We want to do it all right, but sometimes our insecurity about getting it all right; it all goes wrong lead to hovering and tracking our kids for the first signs of expected troubles. Children often have the belief that, “if my parents are worrying about me, then there must be something about me as not to be worried about!” This results in his failure to do anything at latter stage of his life.
Listen, there is no way that any real & true man is going to let children Live around him in his home ,not to discipline and teach try to mold them until they know all he knows, his goal remains to make him more better than him, but it should be more in a friendly way than the dictatorship approach.
The child should get his own accountability and responsibility of his behavior this is exactly what his parent feared would occur and tried desperately to prevent by hovering, doing too much and removing obstacles from his path, which makes him a dependable child. Parents need to support their children through thick & thin, always shower the words of encouragement, instead of finding faults in them, but never make them to feel handicapped.
Never tie the shoes of your kid, when he/she is above 4 years of age, never answer their assigned homework, as they don’tget a chance to think themselves, let them feeldiscomfort able or pain. Never prevent them from struggling or rescue them from hardship of life.This holds them hovering from normal& dependency in future life. Some children are shy, but parents take it as their weakness, do not interrogate them when you get anxious and keep on asking,as are you ok? Are you sure etc., and look for the evidences to confirm worst fears about your children. It is imperative as a parent not to allow your emotions feelings to do the work for your child, which he can do himself. He will have a hard time functioning of his own in this world.
Never label your child by way of comparisons with others or even with other brother or Sister in the family, never remind one that you are uglier/ pretty, funny, lazy or you will turn just like your dad or mom. The bottom line lies that the words are so powerful at this stage of Age; the negative effects will lead him to negativity for all times to come.
Generally, these days we have seen that parents choose the academic streams for their kids of his own choice, while ignoring the personal choice of the child, when your child thinks differently &will not agree to your ideas or thoughts never go for any argument with him over this issue as this is course of his own future and carrier. Try not to take things personally or as a prestigious issue, if he chooses a different path in his life than you thought he would take.
It is observed that some Parents focus more than the requirement level and get so much involved in the child’s lifethat they neglect their own life, their work or the adult relationship life. Parents should never involve in petty matters of their children, focus so much on taking care of his child’sgarden that they forget their own.
What is a better approach? Let your child experience the consequences of his own actions. Let go of constant worry as a parent, realize that you cannot control everything your kid’s do.You can only respond as how they behave. Try to see their strength as well as their struggles.You can avoid over worrying as a Parent, if you develop strong relationship& confidence with your Children by getting to know them for what they are in this world through a sense of Good “Sanaskars”. Allow them to make their own Mistakes, face their own mistakes committed by them, and find out their own Solutions. This will allow you to let go of hovering, it will help you to become a calmer, and more peaceful Parent.
What if you could make your desires come true?.There are certain things you need to observe &educate your Child at an early age, like.
No doubt, Children need Parents to show them how to be in the world, they need to be taught how to read a map so that he can recognize the road map to his life, besidesthe path that leads to their destruction if chosen wrongly.
As a parent maturity is not when we start speaking BIG things, it is when we understand Small things.
Bushan Bhat Hali, Chairman Devasthan Pranandakh Samiti, Hall, Pulwama (Kashmir) |
|Copyrights © 2007 Shehjar online. Any content, including but not limited to text, software, music, sound, photographs, video, graphics or other material contained may not be modified, copied, reproduced, republished, uploaded, posted, or distributed in any form or context without written permission. Terms & Conditions. |
The views expressed are solely the author's and not necessarily the views of Shehjar or its owners. Content and posts from such authors are provided "AS IS", with no warranties, and confer no rights. The material and information provided iare for general information only and should not, in any respect, be relied on as professional advice. Neither Shehjar.kashmirgroup.com nor kashmirgroup.com represent or endorse the accuracy or reliability of any advice, opinion, statement, or other information displayed, uploaded, or distributed through the Service by any user, information provider or any other person or entity. You acknowledge that any reliance upon any such opinion, advice, statement, memorandum, or information shall be at your sole risk.
Words of wisdom. I wonder why no one else has had a comment on this piece of writing. We have far to go to appreciate an effort by one of our own.
Added By BL Dhar