Why Relationship is falling apart?

The marriage that was once regarded Piousand thought “assettled in heaven & celebrated on Earth“has now failed to bring the joy of Heaven among the modern couples. The mistrust & compatibility among the young married youth results in Division, which causes a direct effect on the Children who grew in such an atmosphere. The figures of break ups have increased tremendously since last two decades. This type of Trend was not common in Kashmir Valley before Migration; unfortunately, this virus is spreading fast these days.

Marriage is based on mutual love, affection and loyalty, this joint venture of Love that raises the family. Love only knows how to give and make the recipient happy and comfortable. Therefore, for family’s progress whatever is required both the man & Woman need to do that, it may vary from one family to another, but the basic remains the same. When there is Lack of Love, the deal of divorce business comes into picture and relationship falls apart.

Either marriages Love or arranged is a pious relationship, union of two souls and a connection between two families, in fact it is a union of different world. Everybody wants to be a part of this auspicious occasion & bless the couple on this wonderful day. These days youngster’s term the passion as true Love before marriage and claim that they will not able to live without each other, suddenly the seasonal rainwater bubble bursts out and results out as a breakup or divorce.

Nowadays love is a matter of chance, matrimony a matter of money and divorce a matter of course. Woman who are led by feminists have been demanding equal opportunity, which led to change in the legal Laws across the Globe and has dawned on our community too. These days females in our country are by far or less financiallyindependent, previously in earlier days they were dependent on their husband or In-laws, in case of joint family. This was the main reason they had no other option but to suffer at the hands of their in laws or Husband for their basic needs. They would rarely visit to their Parents but Contrary to this, these days they mostly love to stay with their parents. In the Past few years, the Situation has changed largely. Presently the parents are showing a great interest to give education to Girls & encourage them for their Technical education too. They apply &join in allied fields as to avoid their dependency on their Husband or in-laws for livelihood or her kids. In such cases, a woman can easily protect from being humiliated or tortured by her in-law or husband. Woman is becoming more aware of their rights and Government is using media to raise their voice & awareness.

Relationship truly has become a complex issue in the modern days. I do not agree that divorce is anything good, but if the married life is stressful or Painful for a couple then Divorce is the only option. Some people complain that Woman or men hardly accuse each other in first one or two years, the Screaming & accusing starts later on flimsy grounds, thoughwell-educated and smart couples. In certain cases newly, married Girls are showing impatient after their marriage while dealing with the domestic matters, and contact their Parents on phone or through net every moment seeking their advice, which is not being liked by her in-law’s even her own Husband. Some parents interfere in the married life of their daughters that has a negative effect on her married life.

In certain cases, the couple wants to have divorce as the marriage happened forcibly by their parents it was a fear of insult in society or financial restraints. They wanted to marry of their own choice and no longer want to accept as their fate. Then starts a conflict between the Daughter in Law & other family members. If the marriage is interstate or from any other continent the relationship is effected more due to mal adjustment, as in-laws are used to some other type of food and culture, while the daughter in law either is not used to cooking or unaware of their taste and living habits. Also there are many such instances where the mother in Law develops a feeling of insecurity that my daughter in law has snatched away my son and power, she starts behaving in a different very negativity, due her nature being short tempered or of a dominating type of woman. In such cases the daughter law goes back to her Parental home, the reunion happens conditionally, either the couples staysaway from their parents to save the marriage or results in breakup. IN such cases in our society, mostly men do not want to lose their parents due to their old age factor or to get the parental property if he is financially struggling.

There are instances where Ego comes into Picture due to lack of patience ,Woman take the lead as Law will favorthem, they take no time to approach Law,police,media,or Women cell. Some Woman lodge the complaint against her husband and in-laws under the Section IPC, Act 498-, alleging false cases like dowry, torture& harassment that way misuse the law. This type of situation can be checked by way of discussion through elders, parents from both thesides, as police&advocates harass the separated couple invariably, particularly girl when found living alone. There have been instances of Conspiracy against the family of boys where some parents trade their daughters from one marriage to another making false case of dowry & harassment.

Some couples, are not happy in their married life giving reasons of extra marital relationship. men or women either who were involved in their past marital affairs continue that even continue after their marriage, this has been found that if husband is involved in past marital affairs ,his wife also begins to have such relations as a matter of Revenge from her husband or to satisfy her biological or financial needs. No doubt, some couples experience sluggish sex or Sexual dis satisfaction due to malfunctioning of their Sex organs, either of two, or of even both.They need to have some medical consultations or advices instead of break up. Sexual act contributes a lot to the successful material life .Physical bond is necessary to build a strong emotional bond among the partners, dissatisfaction leads to frustration & ends up in divorce. Mutual Trust is the base for good relationship, infidelity is an important reason, if either of the partners deceives each other this relationship do break and divorce becomes the solution of freedom.

Keeping the spirit of life is not so easy, active participation in different activities makes them understand each other’s interests in better terms. When partners respect each other’s interest brings a lot of joy at the end. Lack of communication among couples creates a gap, which lead to lot of misunderstanding. Here Ego plays the part, if they do not speak with each other for a long time there is a danger of ending up the relation. Marriage is a bond between the two and completely made up of mutual dependency, Physical abuses, manhandling or violence is unbearable.Emotional or Psychological abuse is the worst.

These days there is a common Trend of inter culture or inter religion marriages. Living in such a background is not so easy at all. The boy and the girl do not take up the liking and expectations of their parent’s religion, language or culture; there is a lot of adjustment and sacrifices needed from both the sides. Here mutual Compromise can solve the issue and save themarriage, otherwise to continue such marriage is a tough Task.

This is very difficult to get a reflexive partner in life because of unique nature and background from both the sides. Each partner has different likings, expectations, perception and priorities, clash of thoughts, under these circumstances they never wants to live under one roof, and wish to end their marriage. This type of problem can defend their marriage by way of proper counseling and mutual understanding between them and must avoid lawyers to be benefitted from theirmistakes; it is also true that Divorce is a game generally played by Lawyers.

Financial strains, Ignoring the Child rearing, daily use of Alcohol, drugs or gambling addiction can also ruin the marriage; the situation becomes more complex when combined with physical or verbal abuses. These all things lead to ignoring their family and childern.It is always better as not to get addicted to all these things to save the relationship& family.

Whether we realize this or not, communication breakdown is often the root cause of all relation problems, communication breakdown often stems from misunderstanding due to lack of communication. Try to put yourself in the mindset or situation of the person with whom you are in conflict. Considering their perspective may help foster empathy and help in conflict resolution. Having any Relationship problem, make sure that the channels of communication are open, this will save your Relationship.

Marriage is not all about the Sex or Physical relations between the Partners, it is something beyond, like to continue together in good & bad times of their lives, looking after and raising their kids and their old age parents who have to leave and depart from this world shortly. The marriage is a social institution that forms bedrock of family and Society. Divorcé or Breakup is not the only Solution for all couples, but some people feel that it can relieve the individuals from the suffocation state, but unfortunately, the sufferings still haunt lifelong.
Bushan Bhat Hali, Chairman Devasthan Pranandakh Samiti, Hall, Pulwama (Kashmir)
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